Jack-O-Bear June, a Peanuts Pastiche
I was able to secure an Interview with the Jack-O-Bear Crypto-Zoologist, Professor Linus Van Pelt, and his companion Charles Brown. Prof. Van Pelt seemed relaxed, but he clutched a small blue square of soft cloth. Charles Brown had a beagle dog with him that sat relaxed, as I walked up to meet them.
Hello Professor Van Pelt. Thank you for meeting with me! Good to meet you Mr. Brown!
Professor Van Pelt, "Thank you for calling us. We're pleased to talk to someone about all this (Prof. Van Pelt waves his arms expressively)! You're the first interviewer who's shown any interest in my work on the Pumpkin Cycle, as I call it." (The Prof.'s friend smiles, and nods his head. His dog gazes up at a small yellow bird in a nearby tree).
So Professor, why don't you breakdown the 'Pumpkin Cycle' as you call it, to my readers. Keep in mind neither my readers, nor myself has your expertise in Crypto-Zoology.
(Prof. Van Pelt strokes his full beard with one hand, smiling, as his other holds the blue cloth). Professor Van Pelt, "Well it begins annually, with the planting of the Pumpkin patches for Halloween. Children the world over begin to select their patches to await the arrival of The Great Pumpkin (The Prof. and his friend ignore my raised eyebrows and confused look). I don't need to tell you of the excitement in children about this, I'm sure. In October most children have selected their Pumpkin patches and begin their nightly vigil. I was lucky enough to have Charles with me for many of mine! (Charles seems uncomfortable at this mention.)
The Great Pumpkin selects only one patch of a very sincere child to visit, as you know! The excite of children is almost tangible. This culminates, of course on Halloween when the Great Pumpkin rises over his chosen Pumpkin patch!" (The Professor is nearly frothing at the mouth with excitement as he describes this, I struggle to keep my face from betraying my perplexed state).
So, Professor Van Pelt, what happens after October? When the Great Pumpkin has finished with his selection of a pumpkin patch?
(Professor Van Pelt looks momentarily lost in memory, his friend Charles pat his shoulder to draw him back to the present, and my question.) "Ahem, well all the...for lack of a more precise term, 'Psychic Energy' of these children leaves a residue on the Pumpkin patch the child has watched. As time moves on a pumpkin from a patch may, and I emphasize, may have enough 'Psychic Energy' to leave the standard cycle of inevitable decay that would normally follow.
The 'Psychically Charged' Pumpkin, continues it's growth on the, still living, vine. It send out vines of it's own. These month's later flower, and the flowers begin secreting a...Well for lack of a better term let's call it a Pheromone, this in turn attracts the Ursines." (I am no doubt appearing, at the least non-plussed by this explanation, but this is a Noted Crypto-Zoologist [and I need a story or my time is wasted].)
(I interrupt the "Professor" at this point), Professor Van Pelt, when you say 'Ursines' do you mean...Bears? Could you go into a little more detail? Is this common, unusual, rare? How often does this occur? What happens in areas where Bears aren't found?
(The 'Professor' looks lost at these questions for a minute or two, then continues, basically ignoring my questions.) "What happens next is most remarkable, the...Bear begins to visit the flowering pumpkin every night for weeks. Eventually it stays with the flowers, not consuming them, leaving it's [the Bear's] normal life cycle. ('Professor' Van Pelt is fully ranting at this point, I notice that he has began to 'pet' the small soft, piece of blue cloth. His friend Charles is looking concerned, he grasps the 'Professor' by the shoulder. As if he fears his friend may have a seizure [or something?]).
"The Bear stays with the flowering Pumpkin full time, leaving only rarely for water. It's metabolism slows. (Charles has arms around the now, almost fully crazed looking man who he calls his friend, supporting him as him, as the 'Professor' rocks back and forth.) The Bear sleeps, and lays next to the flower for weeks. Eventually, I don't know the exact mechanism, the Bear sprouts vines from it's ears!!! ('Professor' Van Pelt is fully frothing at the mouth as he spouts details). The vines begin to grow into a full pumpkin head!" (This man has definitely lost his tenuous grasp of reality.)
(I pause letting the recording continue whatever comes next, this is an interesting human interest piece, I'm hoping.)
"Months, later, in June a- Monster is born! Charged with childish energy and mischief, now turned fully to Malice and HATERED! It stalks humans! It seeks some kind of weird, twisted, revenge for all of Pumpkin kind!" (He really just said that. I'm freaked by this guy, but I need a story of some kind.)
"The Jack-O-Bear seek bloody death on random people! [sic] It's gaze will hypnotize a person, leaving them almost catatonic until it attacks! Then it mauls them with it's paws, and it consumes their psychic energy!!! Lucy, they killed you, Lucy!!! (He bursts out.)
(This 'Professor' Van Pelt has collapsed at this point sucking his thumb, clutching his blue cloth, like a small child. His friend Charles hovers over him making sympathetic noises. Charles beagle dog has disappeared, I mention this to him. He says this happens periodically. I take my leave of the scene. )
(EDIT, days later. I have done a deep dive into the background of this 'Professor' Linus Van Pelt. He is a discredited Biologist. Lucy is most likely his older sister Lucile Van Pelt, a Cheerleader, who died in a freak High School Football accident. Bizarre. I hope I sell this.)
Shout out to Jenx for lots of Jack-O-Bear drawings, and Empty Bee for Bugbear (Jack-O-Bear) June.